当夜幕降临,黑暗笼罩大地, 皎洁的月光是我们唯一的指引, 我们不会害怕，不会恐惧只要你在我身边，站在我身边.
坐过山车就像是不断受生活的蹂躏：想要再高一点，再爽一点，但真的到了高处，却害怕飞速降落的失重感，没有什么没有代价的天赐之选，因为命运给每件赐予的礼物都标好了价格。
最近在听播客谈到说，因为数字信息时代的发展，现在的小朋友们对于父母的人生轨迹都比以往要了解得更加广泛和全面，我对自己父母的了解，也仅限于有限的一些影集，而且几乎都集中在他们结婚之后，似乎父母在童年和青春时代的记忆是几乎一片空白。我爸是个爱回忆的人，从他平日里的絮叨中，我总能捕捉到一些他那个世代的集体记忆，即便不准确，却是最准确的家庭历史侧写。
而我作为Gen Z, 有幸出生在这个万物互联的世界，万物皆可搜（虽然不至于光屁股的婴儿照也被po在网上), 而且也非常敏感于，也热爱探索人们平时说话，和各家各国媒体报道中的片言片语(如果真的有天赋的话，估计我99%的天赋都在于此了吧)也正因为如此，常常会记录些感受和心得(废话解千愁)。同时我似乎一直清楚地有着自己在当下最享受的事情，虽然兴趣点会变得很快，但是比较幸运的是，无论在什么时候，我总可以找些令自己兴奋的点，同事说我每天脸上都是笑哈哈，像个大傻子，许个愿，工作两年后，希望自己依旧如此，一蓑烟雨任平生。
说到对于自己梦想的记录，我可能是真的很小的时候就有非常切实的梦想，非常实际的想去中央美院，以及高中的时候疯狂想去清华的新闻传播(小时候，或者说直到现在，我都是很学历崇拜和神话学校的一个人)，以及我的梦想它总在变，不过幸好变得不太多。
希望二三十年后，考古挖坟的我家孩子(如果有的话，或者好朋友家的孩子) 不会觉得这是个半途而废的怪阿姨。
小时候对于自己的未来目标是个在中央美院学美术的优雅姑娘，那时候提着个油画框每周六白天去学画，还是非常开心的，直到多年后提起笔，还是依旧有那种灵动的万物如有神助的感觉；
高中时代，挺有个性且希望独具一格，仗着语文成绩稍微好看点儿，大言不惭地对着南方周末上的报道说，我想当记者，虽然现在想想非常的傻叉，但是好歹曾经也有这个勇气在众人面前说出自己的真实想法；高三看了太多自由派的书，中了社科的毒，却是无比纯粹地对未来有无限憧憬。
后来，真的到了大学，真正地接触到了经世致用，接触到了社会运行之规律，反而失去了一些记录的兴趣，多了一份远离的冲动，想去悬壶济世，希望爱之所爱；
不得不说，在财大，反功利一直是同侪们多年经久不息的话题，大家似乎隐约都知道功利的含义，但是对于反功利所包含的内容确是不甚了了，这似乎也是我大学期间没想明白的一个问题，用什么来对抗汹涌而来的年少时对一切的无限渴望，和正确面对突然被恩赐的，和有限的思想自由。
后来的后来，到了纽约，生活积压的情绪和异乡的学业工作压力，常常会在中央公园的一次夕阳跑下终结，本来期待的港岛学术生涯也被我挥刀斩断，可能我这种纠结症加完美主义会在学术的牢笼里禁锢得变形，虽然很不舍，也有些遗憾，但是该放弃的时候我总是亲自放弃的那一位，真没想到，2020，我的梦想是放弃，然后重生(曾经某部台剧里风信子的花语)。
过山车到顶点，开始俯冲下的那一刻，真的觉得生活不需要太多额外的加戏，它本身就足够精彩，也值得记录和书写。
最后，小时候那个想当画家，高中想当记者的女孩，在大学迷上了医学社会学，去纽约学了生物统计，本想继续在港岛继续新闻传播的学术生涯，却意外来到了这家以记录美好生活为使命的互联网公司，回到了上大学之前的起点，正在为一个Gen Z自己社区的发声平台工作，或许时代命运造就如此，或许国际化的大浪拍打至此，也或许梦想本不该设有任何边界，就是去寻找那些心里缺失的碎片，拼成了如今的我。清醒地认知自己能力的边界，确实是一件至幸之事。
When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we’ll see. No I won’t be afraid, oh I won’t be afraid just as long as you stand, stand by me. Why we always need to keep a track of life?
Imagine in 20 years, kids are gonna be listening to this, and are gonna be saying “i was born in the wrong decade”. When you show them the old gold days you had, the branched roads and possible options you have chosen from, will evidently convince these youngsters, I believe, some times a record can resist the elapsed time.
When I was seven, I was dreaming about becoming a girl who can take her brushes to draw her favorite scenes in CAFA. During then, going to the after-school drawing lessons is the best time I can escape from the noisy farmer‘s market where my parents did their business. Until the Covid-19 epidemic comes, I gradually learned that how difficult it would be if no such a habit was developed in my childhood, colorful memories and inspirations are always generated from the creative sessions.
When I was seventeen, I became a girl who is not obedient yet aloof. After been treated as top student and enjoyed some privileges in my class, I lost my self and was quite confident that I would be fully dedicated to the freedom of press, and try to become a unique journalist as I was pointing to a report presenting Prime Minister Wen’s role-modeling effect on
Time flies. When I did get closer to sociology, learned more about the basic economics theory and quantitive methods, soon I got bored with the subject matter itself, and I lost the eager to record what I did and what I thought through. I was drawn to the medical sociology as I was quite lost in the mystery of death, and the unlimited freedom.
To be frankly, when I was back in college, anti-utilitarianism is always a popular topic among students. We would have limited tolerance towards the ambitious. Everyone seems to know about what the utilitarianism refers to, while no one can really catch the meaning of anti-utilitarianism in my memory.
At the end of the ivory tower life, I felt a sense of boredom and being pushed a lot. Actually this sense still embed in my body, I would treat it as an inborn quality, always perfecting the tasks in detail, as long as I think is right, even though the pursuit is not profitable. However, the enthusiasm always fades when somebody pushes behind, when there are endless paper calls. I do appreciate the sense of achievement, however, that is not the whole picture of life.
TikTok has been at the center of a diplomatic storm between Washington and Beijing, and I launched my professional dream starting this July. No one will be able to tell the seven-year-old Shan what will be a nice future and what path she would choose. TikTok is also a young start-up, energetic and no boundaries, allowing me much freedom of exploring myself and somehow landed my imagination for a novel media. This community belongs to Gen. Z.
