09-23
Ombré = having different tones of colors
She and four others from that small group now say the sense of intimacy, artistry and discovery that defined early Instagram and led to its success has given way to a celebrity-driven marketplace that is engineered to sap users’ time and attention at the cost of their well-being.
social media 之恶已经被不断书写了，虽然我现在做内容安全业务，但还是和曾经的调查记者的理想，背道而驰。
09-24
真的是人生中第一次近距离接触网络暴力。
因为哈尔滨事件，才知道原来确诊阳性的女生所有的个人隐私，甚至是她BF的个人信息都会被扒出来，并且扣上「不顾他人健康」的罪名，这是个怎样的吃人的世界呢？
爸爸不大会表达，从头到尾一直在指责我的任性和自私。无可否认，父母的担心是有道理的，但是爸爸过于直男的表达确实让我很不爽。
海航真的爆雷了，恒大也default了，买基金的我眼睛都绿了，就刚刚我甚至才知道，原来内容分级项目的model owner也可以就这么随便地易主。
厉风济则众窍为虚，再过两年（甚至按照我的性格，也就100天吧），这些也都随风而去了。
09-25
This morning witnessed a turn: Through an unremitting effort, Meng left Canada on a plane chartered by the Chinese government.
09-26
A good movie night is alway nice to have. The movie Lobster is essentially a satire of how our current society views single people, which is quite inspirational.
有时 Dirty Ground work确实必不可少。今天看李飞飞的talk，还是挺受鼓舞的。连她自己都下场做过标注，我只是协调下labelling 的人力，何必这么心累呢？
Climbing the social ladder from the very bottom all the way to the very top, and some made the way in the opposite direction.
「Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. 」
09-27
Being happy is different from having a meaning in life, there are indeed four pillars in life:
- Sense of belonging: a cheap form of belonging (you are valued for what you believe)
- Purpose: without something worthwhile to do, people flounder, it is some “why” drives you forward.
- Transcendence: stepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way, when you lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you do feel connected to a higher reality.
- Storytelling: starts a storytelling and clarify the narratives, which can make us easier understand how you became you.[Usually, we forget we are indeed the writers of our own lifestories, and we do have the capability to edit, interpret and retell the story, even if we are constrained by the facts and list of events.
Today I picked up a new word called “jibber-jabber”. This can be either a noun or a verb, used for describing the rapid and excited speech that is difficult to understand. Alright, I am always this type of girl. Maybe I should learn to adopt new words and try to express more by any means.
09-28
keep a rather far distance from the work is hard, and even though sometimes I do want to show my care, others may feel offensive. Alright, context is everything, with no context, we can never understand each other.
不钻牛角尖 不overthink，就成功了一半。老同学去了Oxford继续Dphil，真的很羡慕……看看自己，我真是个没什么特长的普通人，遁走。
09-29
还是控制不住情绪，我真是个nerdy的alien，就这样吧，直接说老板「莫名其妙」的人可能也就我这一个了吧…… 天凉好个秋。不过说实话，很多时候，我身上有个比较大的毛病就是，太过强调某一方面的标签属性或者是性别特征，然后就会拿起相关的脚本进行社会角色的扮演，这是不大对的，但其实自己常常没有意识到这一点吧，有则改之，无则加勉。
09-30
Unmoored soul with mild schizophrenia.flotsam and jetsam(meaningless stuff)
Sufi: To rein in my ego. Rumi is a persian poet.
Today my colleague shared a link with me saying that it can help me to determine the sorting hat. Finally I am chosen to be Gryffindor, haha, as a designated place to go for my study:
10-10
怎么找到自己深层次的需求？
一直向外求，是求不到的。
10-11
“明明才刚起床，就身心疲惫的困。”
“一上班，就开始听歌。” 这不太对劲啊？
我的研发leader单独找我聊：感觉没有成就感，被各种事情拖着走，真的很不爽，可是我们不能坐以待毙啊！
10-13
阶级流动无望所导致的躺平？
如今走出书斋之后，反而我触达到的议题都变得极其有限，一方面是因为自己可以自由支配的时间资源变得稀薄，另一方面因为兴趣的过于分散，导致对于真正感兴趣的话题和领域的投入的努力变得更少了。
无可否认，目前全球范围之内，产业结构的变化和调整，带来了重要的政治光谱的变化。
我是不是生活在社会运动的新一波浪潮的兴起时代呢？（我猜是。）
Learning Resources
怎么培养问题意识, 把问题真实地描述出来，确实很难。
10-14
For years since 2019 summer holidays, I have been questionned by friends, senior faculties and also my family members about what I really want to do in my future. It seems I am still under the condition that I cannot really navigate for myself, still wandering across academia and industry environment.
There is no doubt that today’s academia is a totally different field compared against the one that we had a decade ago. After my tough try this year in ByteDance, an idea just come to my mind: I might still want to stay connected with this whole world, and the medium is the words/sentences I am writing. I am not a good writer using fantastic similes,
Be the change I wanna see and not follow the path that everyone else is walking on is the core principle bearing in my mind.
Switching from US to China is a long adaptation process and being a global citizen means that I still have the chance to reach out to the free land.
- Zen korn on knowing languishing: 「Languishing is a sense of emptiness,joyless,stagnation and ennui. Coined by a sociologist Corey keyes, who is now teaching in Emory university, and immortolized by Mariah Carey.」
- Lessons learned from Chimps from Jane Goodall : Tremendous support given to kids are necessary and that continues to grant children confidence.
10-15
Time to live = TTL 生命周期管理
周会前，听蔡英文讲演的24分钟，思绪飞到了万里之外。
ACCA 的 F6课程还没有捡起来，这周 weekdays 每天晚上忙到完全没空跑步。
10-19
SG的RD也要离开BD去Shoppe, 这个世界是怎么了？每个人都告诉我要拥抱变化，可是在一个永远在变的环境中，我似乎唯一确定的只有不确定性本身了？
看到我研发在perf完之后脸上的苦笑，我知道大家真的都不容易。
This morning, I heard a word from Tracy, she said she would not hope that we are put in a place where all of us are stuck in a limbo. The sad truth is that, I am, and probably I will be staying in the dilemma for a while.
-
Jibber jabberis kind of way for saying/talking non-sense. -
laggard: a person who makes slow progress and falls behind others. -
anytime soon: meaning that in the near future, often in a negative tone. -
Hold down the fort: I’ll be out of the office for a few hours- will you hold the fort until I get back?
10-24
We all feel abandoned at times, but the truth is, we are usually usually the one who walked away.
窗外的桂花香味缓缓悠悠地飘入屋子里，很久没有晨间漫步这么久了。
自我认同为女生 / 菜鸟产品经理/ 以及迷糊。
这周送别的场面真的是……哎……涕泗横流。
10-26
想去读书，只是因为现在工作中遇到了很多的困难？很难不认同这个观点。
leadership？or delegation power？小朋友/小弟心态不能成为自己的借口，我真的还有很多要做的东西。
5个会连着开完之后，表情扭曲，头脑燃烧.
This is hell, right? But I cannot escape from it, I am so sad.
Maybe I am not adapt to this environment.
10-29
The last working day in October, today Facebook changed their name as Meta for a better luck, what about me? shall I follow the same path, it’s joking, though.
时间管理，时间线管理，预期管理，管不来，我目前的心态和mind-preset还是小弟思维，那怎么能够帮助大家吧。
10-30
太忙了，真的是让心灵河流干涸的最好的理由。
公司里爱写博客，爱读书的朋友们好多，而且在这个小宇宙里，大家似乎都有一些重合的兴趣和爱好，
「每坚持一次，都是在给自己的理想身份投票。」
10-31
话语体系塑造着生活。
“你的为人，你的思考，你的感受和所做之事，以及你的喜欢，恰是你所关注事物的概括。将注意力放在忙碌、繁琐和压力之中，这样下去，大脑就会形成固定印象，认为工作生活中充满了压力、烦扰、沮丧和琐事。”
如果把工作本身的任务负荷量算做x的话，当我们凝视这份工作带来的压力和焦虑，并沉浸在其中无法自拔的时候，那么这份工作的脑力消耗和精力消耗就不再局限在x的范围内，而是会叠加情感劳动的指数增长：2的x次方。
「心态崩了」、「丧」和「躺平」的话语体系，一遍遍地在我的耳边回响。充斥其间的，有大家的戏谑，也有无奈的真实。研发Z君评价我说是：只会把笑挂在脸上，难过都不大让他们看见的小姑娘。是啊，伤口揭开给别人看总是不好的，更何况，大家每个人都不容易，倒情绪垃圾简直是道德败坏行为。
注意力在互联网打工人这儿，一直是个稀缺资源，简单来说，我看了看我的屏幕时间，这周平均「每天接收164条飞书消息，每天接收130条微信通知」，而这个量级已经是在我开启免打扰，极力控制无效沟通时间，降低了40%的流量的低谷水平了；深深记得以前大学和研究生时代，我几乎可以做到从早到晚不看消息（甚至有时候连室友找我都找不见）。
但是与大多数同事不一样的是，我又是个很需要独处时间的人，从周一到周五，跨时区乱七八糟的会议将我的白天都填得满满当当, 只有在会议的间隙，午休的空档和晚饭后找到比较完整的专注时间，可以不用这对目前的我来说，真的是天赐。
阅读/观影记录
- 《Modern Love Season I》每一个故事都很特殊，每一个人和这个世界的碰撞也都是独一无二的。
- 《来自远方 Come from Away (2021)》
